Monday 5 December 2011
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Monday 14 November 2011
50 things that piss me off.
1. Scientology.
2. Warm ham.
3. Canberra.
4. Shitting myself at Fountain Gate.
5. Losing an argument over something I feel that I'm well versed in, when I'm not.
6. The acronym O.M.F.U.G.
7 . Cotton fucking wool.
8. The black parts of potato chips.
9. Using a brushcutter to cut a lawn, only to hit a dog turd and have it spray across my face.
10. Not knowing what 'sobriquet' means.
11. Redback bastard spiders.
12. Dust.
13. R18+ pornography.
14. The tag on my boxers that irritates my butt crack.
15. Scooters.
16. The kids that ride scooters.
17. The Authentic Irish Pub in Amiens, France.
18. Swimming in public pools, because every accidental mouthful is 3 parts chlorinated water, 1 part piss.
19. Militant lesbians.
20. Angry Birds.
21. Young teenage girls who dress like 20 year old sluts.
22. The loudmouth, God-bothering fuckwits that stand out the front of the abortion centre in Richmond. Do you remember being a foetus? No, neither does anyone else. Therefore, they're not exactly killing a fully grown person. Assholes.
23. The fucking Twilight series.
24. Humidity.
25. Peanuts used in cooking.
26. Being punched in the head when I least expect it.
27. The scene in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (original) where he plays the flute, and the beehive-wearing bitch says 'Rachmaninoff!' I hate that cow.
28. Botfly larvae. Pointless fucking insect.
29. Going to the beach and trying resolutely to get all flecks of sand off your feet before getting in the car, only to find a footwell like the Tanami Desert when you get out.
30. The fact that gorgeous women with awesome breasts walk around all day, and don't stop and offer me a chance to cup one gently in my hand.
31. Animal cruelty.
32. Reflux.
33. Sweet potato.
34. The fact that Spam is bad for you. Otherwise I'd eat it every day.
35. Also, the fact that you can't get Lakult flavoured milkshakes.
36. No new Boards Of Canada album for the last six years.
37. Remakes of movies that didn't need remakes. Like, oh, I don't know, Footloose? Why bother? Just make another dancing movie and call it 'Dancing Meatshits'. The kids will buy anything these days.
38. When you cough in polite company, and it makes you fart.
39. When you fart in polite company, and no one calls you on it. Even if it stinks.
40. When you fart in polite company, and someone calls you on it. Rude bastards.
41. The guy at my local cafe who orders a large latte, with 3 sugars in it. Him and everyone like him. What's the point of drinking coffee with that much sugar in it? Might as well drink Quik.
42. Not having a sense of smell anymore. Actually, I can smell some things. Usually exciting fragrances like dog shit, rotten food and venereal disease.
43. The Pythagoras Theorem.
44. The fact that the 'Perverted German Grannies' series only goes up to Volume 9.
45. Pointless pets that no one likes, including rabbits, guinea pigs and budgerigars.
46. Deep, black water.
47. Uneducated, ignorant people.
48. Multiculturalism. Because it's a lie.
49. The number 49.
50. People who waste their time typing up lists whining about all the things that piss them off. Morons.
2. Warm ham.
3. Canberra.
4. Shitting myself at Fountain Gate.
5. Losing an argument over something I feel that I'm well versed in, when I'm not.
6. The acronym O.M.F.U.G.
7 . Cotton fucking wool.
8. The black parts of potato chips.
9. Using a brushcutter to cut a lawn, only to hit a dog turd and have it spray across my face.
10. Not knowing what 'sobriquet' means.
11. Redback bastard spiders.
12. Dust.
13. R18+ pornography.
14. The tag on my boxers that irritates my butt crack.
15. Scooters.
16. The kids that ride scooters.
17. The Authentic Irish Pub in Amiens, France.
18. Swimming in public pools, because every accidental mouthful is 3 parts chlorinated water, 1 part piss.
19. Militant lesbians.
20. Angry Birds.
21. Young teenage girls who dress like 20 year old sluts.
22. The loudmouth, God-bothering fuckwits that stand out the front of the abortion centre in Richmond. Do you remember being a foetus? No, neither does anyone else. Therefore, they're not exactly killing a fully grown person. Assholes.
23. The fucking Twilight series.
24. Humidity.
25. Peanuts used in cooking.
26. Being punched in the head when I least expect it.
27. The scene in Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory (original) where he plays the flute, and the beehive-wearing bitch says 'Rachmaninoff!' I hate that cow.
28. Botfly larvae. Pointless fucking insect.
29. Going to the beach and trying resolutely to get all flecks of sand off your feet before getting in the car, only to find a footwell like the Tanami Desert when you get out.
30. The fact that gorgeous women with awesome breasts walk around all day, and don't stop and offer me a chance to cup one gently in my hand.
31. Animal cruelty.
32. Reflux.
33. Sweet potato.
34. The fact that Spam is bad for you. Otherwise I'd eat it every day.
35. Also, the fact that you can't get Lakult flavoured milkshakes.
36. No new Boards Of Canada album for the last six years.
37. Remakes of movies that didn't need remakes. Like, oh, I don't know, Footloose? Why bother? Just make another dancing movie and call it 'Dancing Meatshits'. The kids will buy anything these days.
38. When you cough in polite company, and it makes you fart.
39. When you fart in polite company, and no one calls you on it. Even if it stinks.
40. When you fart in polite company, and someone calls you on it. Rude bastards.
41. The guy at my local cafe who orders a large latte, with 3 sugars in it. Him and everyone like him. What's the point of drinking coffee with that much sugar in it? Might as well drink Quik.
42. Not having a sense of smell anymore. Actually, I can smell some things. Usually exciting fragrances like dog shit, rotten food and venereal disease.
43. The Pythagoras Theorem.
44. The fact that the 'Perverted German Grannies' series only goes up to Volume 9.
45. Pointless pets that no one likes, including rabbits, guinea pigs and budgerigars.
46. Deep, black water.
47. Uneducated, ignorant people.
48. Multiculturalism. Because it's a lie.
49. The number 49.
50. People who waste their time typing up lists whining about all the things that piss them off. Morons.
Thursday 10 March 2011
Things that make me laugh: Part 3.
This is Cody.
He works at a BP store, and is happy to help.
As my brother and I noted, the slightly open mouth is what makes this photo. It looks like he's in the middle of saying 'Pump 5, sir? That'll be $20'. My brother said he'd even buy the Marlboro's behind Cody, and he doesn't even smoke, just to say he'd bought something from Cody, the helpful sales dog.
Thursday 27 January 2011
A coconut what calls 100 rats.
Is the first thing that came to mind when I read this comment, left beneath a Marilyn Manson video on YouTube:
'What a nutcase. How can anyone be interested in what someTHING like that has to say. Disturbed is the word that comes to mind. I guess the final interview will take place in a soft cell, after that jerk what bananas raping and killing an oak or something.'
Yes.
'what bananas raping and killing an oak or something'
You can't type that shit as a joke and then laugh about it. That kind of shit has to be typed out in anger; in earnest; in the spur of the moment. That's so non-sequitur it makes 'a coconut what calls 100 rats' seem like a passage from Milton.
I feel rather lucky I found this.
Wednesday 12 January 2011
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